The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
