Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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