nut hugger
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
