My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize