so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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