I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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