WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
