She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
