my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
