Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
