Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
