$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
