suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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