worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
