Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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