You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
