More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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