I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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