why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
