this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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