dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
