The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize