It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
