Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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