He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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