just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
