some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
