therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
