I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
