The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
