I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize