I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
