So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize