We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What drink are we having for lunch?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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