have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
