Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
