My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
