I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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