fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
