I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
