I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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