If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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