He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
