dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize