I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
