I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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