That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
