$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
