Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
