Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
