Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
