Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
