Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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