I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
