They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
