Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
