so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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