Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
