I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
