I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
