Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize