Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
