There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
