I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
