i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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