so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
