When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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