so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
