happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
