Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
