There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
