I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
