I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
