Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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